Buckle up! We’re about to take a cosmic rollercoaster ride through the trippy world of “guided meditation” with all the style, spice, and spirit of a Saturday night disco. Question on the dance floor: “Yo, does the DJ’s voice mess with my vibe during this so-called MEDITATION jam?” Answer, baby: “Ahh, the sweet nectar of your question drips with divine timing! Like, finally, someone wants to cut through the New (c)age nonsense marinated in patchouli and chakras. Are ya’ ready? Here it comes — Brace yourself: GUIDED MEDITATION DOES NOT EXIST. For reals. It’s like saying you’re ‘kinda pregnant.’ Ain’t no such thing, sweetheart.” Hold up, let’s get poetic and deep, like…