Stellar Ride Through “Guided Meditation” Debunked
Buckle up! We’re about to take a cosmic rollercoaster ride through the trippy world of “guided meditation” with all the style, spice, and spirit of a Saturday night disco.
Question on the dance floor: “Yo, does the DJ’s voice mess with my vibe during this so-called MEDITATION jam?”
Answer, baby: “Ahh, the sweet nectar of your question drips with divine timing! Like, finally, someone wants to cut through the New (c)age nonsense marinated in patchouli and chakras. Are ya’ ready? Here it comes — Brace yourself: GUIDED MEDITATION DOES NOT EXIST. For reals. It’s like saying you’re ‘kinda pregnant.’ Ain’t no such thing, sweetheart.”
Hold up, let’s get poetic and deep, like a love song from the ’70s. Imagine this: Meditation is that sacred sanctuary where your mind is an empty canvas, stretched out under a silvery moonlight. There’s no clutter of happy or sad thoughts, no doodles, no graffiti — just the sublime stillness of a celestial night. 🌙
So, how do you find your Zen in this chaotic world of hashtags and fear of missing out? Simple, babe! You sit your fabulous self down, close those enchanting eyes, and dance with your breath. Ah, yes, the waltz of life: Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. It’s your own private tango, no need to give a heads up, babe!
Whoa, a wild thought appears! What do you do? You sashay right back to your breath, my friend. Inhale, exhale, like the tick-tock of a clock in a timeless love affair with the now. 💖
Spice it up with a mantra, if you’re feeling frisky. You know, those sexy whispers like ‘OM’ that guide you back into that luscious silence when thoughts go haywire. That silence is your premier section to everything you’ve been craving: Unity, Peace, the Ultimate Cosmic Maestro. 🎶
Listen up, Sugar, here’s the tea. All that marketable ‘guided meditation’ stuff? That’s basically like putting ketchup on a steak — sacrilege! Those are just guided visualizations, guided chill sessions, or guided mind trips. But please, for the love of all things sacred, don’t you dare call it MEDITATION, ’cause meditation is your mind on vacation mode — no itinerary, just pure, undistilled chill.
So, does the voice matter in these not-so-meditative sessions? Hell yeah! A voice can either be a warm hug or a cold shower. So, choose the vibe that makes your soul do the cha-cha, because the sound is the OG: the blueprint, the one that started it all — sound created the cosmos, honey! 🌠
Audio version here:
